So I love reality tv as much as the next overweight irish girl (lots), but I'm going to have to get something off my fabulous chest...
I'm sick of the false emotion they use to try and suck viewers in. You know what I'm talking about...the excessive use of the phrases "journey", "life-changing" "most shocking moment yet".
The number one repeat offender is "The Biggest Loser", with honourable mention to "So You Think You Can Dance".
However to illustrate I am going to use "Masterchef". (PS I'm over using the quotation marks now).
I totally dig this show. We all watch Biggest Loser and I love eating fattening delicious food while watching the fatties run and sweat. When that show is finished, they replace it with an intense cooking show featuring fattening delicious food. Wonderful.
The episode the other night made the contestants cook "their fondest childhood memory". Which is of course ridiculous because most of us would be cooking mud patties and pieces of trampoline. Anyway fat beady Gary (FBG) asks them all to do this, and then the contestants get an emotional probing, making them all break down and weep at the thought of their Nonna...or whoever.
I don't want this shit! Just make them cook spaghetti while standing on one leg or something.
It's total bullshit. The emo stories are not sucking me in any further - I'm already watching. I just want to look at the tasty tasty food. I don't want to hear about cancer and sadness while you cook. It's a cooking show. If you sadness, Dr Phil is on at 12pm weekdays. Fuck off with the emotional bullshit.
The other thing that really annoyed me is that they'll make the emotions seem really important while they all hug and masturbate eachother while sobbing, but then FBG, Greeko and massive guy in the white pants will briefly realise "Holy crap we have to eat this" and then basically the emotions go out the window while they complain (or gush) about the food.
Basically they use the emotions, but at the end it's about whether the food tastes good or not. So don't make me sit through an hour of annoying bullshit and then only show me 5 dishes at the end cooked by people with ridiculously red eyes.
Here are a few quotes that annoyed me the most
"put your hearts on a plate"
"capture your past"
vs
"It better be good otherwise I'm not going to be happy"
"it's your fondest childhood memory you should know it back to front"
"it's a microwave dish...what?"
"are you making the mayonnaise from scratch?"
I'm pretty sure if I was on this show I'd have served homebrand neapolitan icecream with milo on top. Sorry FBG, most mums don't have time to make their mayonnaise from scratch. Perhaps you should have changed the challenge to eliminate this problem. And then eliminate a contestant. And then eliminate your fat head and annoying voice from my television. Wankers.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Yeah? Well I go to the gym too and I'm still fat
I hate it when people mention the gym in their status updates. It makes me think they're doing it to show off and make themselves feel good because now everyone knows they went to the gym/make others feel bad for not going to the gym.
Please note that as I write this blog I'm eating a sweet chilli and cheese scroll and drinking a can of pepsi. Health health health darling.
So there are two types of gym-involved status updates.
Type 1: The punch in the face
eg "Lisa F Daly just set a new pb time for 10km on the treadmill. Yay!"
and
Type 2: The stab in the back of the neck
eg "Lisa F Daly just saw the funniest thing at the gym, an old lady fell over! Lolz"
I sort of think Type 1 is better...yeah it's more annoying, and is more likely to cause some eating disorders, but at least it's obvious and the person is being honest. Usually anyway...the sort of person who does post like this is some sort of ironman (or woman) who could arm wrestle Samantha Stosur.
Type 2 however...that's sneaky. That person actually trying to say "I think you should know that I'm better than you. I'm kind of a big deal. But I dont want to punch you in the face, I just want to stab you in the neck from behind...subtely let you know that I've been working out and you're just a fatty sitting there eating leftover thai food. Fatty."
It's not as nice. It has no need to mention the gym at all! The old lady falling over would have been just as funny had it occured anywhere else (Obviously "old lady falling over" can be substituted with other stories)!
For instance, right at this moment my status is "Lisa F Daly was walking past a man in the street today when i heard a splasing noise. but it's ok he wasn't peeing, just vomiting".
Now this occured as I was on my way home from the gym. But I didn't mention that because you know what? Just because you go to the gym does not automatically make you a super fit hottie. I go to the gym and I've got more rolls than a bakery (chortle). If I keep going to the gym maybe one day I'll look like Roseanne in swimmers. Ok it's not that bad.
Either way, mentioning the gym in a status update annoys me...but sometimes I do it anyway to make me feel better. Now let me get back to my left over thai food. Fatty.
Please note that as I write this blog I'm eating a sweet chilli and cheese scroll and drinking a can of pepsi. Health health health darling.
So there are two types of gym-involved status updates.
Type 1: The punch in the face
eg "Lisa F Daly just set a new pb time for 10km on the treadmill. Yay!"
and
Type 2: The stab in the back of the neck
eg "Lisa F Daly just saw the funniest thing at the gym, an old lady fell over! Lolz"
I sort of think Type 1 is better...yeah it's more annoying, and is more likely to cause some eating disorders, but at least it's obvious and the person is being honest. Usually anyway...the sort of person who does post like this is some sort of ironman (or woman) who could arm wrestle Samantha Stosur.
Type 2 however...that's sneaky. That person actually trying to say "I think you should know that I'm better than you. I'm kind of a big deal. But I dont want to punch you in the face, I just want to stab you in the neck from behind...subtely let you know that I've been working out and you're just a fatty sitting there eating leftover thai food. Fatty."
It's not as nice. It has no need to mention the gym at all! The old lady falling over would have been just as funny had it occured anywhere else (Obviously "old lady falling over" can be substituted with other stories)!
For instance, right at this moment my status is "Lisa F Daly was walking past a man in the street today when i heard a splasing noise. but it's ok he wasn't peeing, just vomiting".
Now this occured as I was on my way home from the gym. But I didn't mention that because you know what? Just because you go to the gym does not automatically make you a super fit hottie. I go to the gym and I've got more rolls than a bakery (chortle). If I keep going to the gym maybe one day I'll look like Roseanne in swimmers. Ok it's not that bad.
Either way, mentioning the gym in a status update annoys me...but sometimes I do it anyway to make me feel better. Now let me get back to my left over thai food. Fatty.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Phones hate me
Status: ...just turned on the phone that i lost at christmas...none of the messages or photos make sense
I really do have bad luck with phones. Which is a pity because I enjoy them so. I like the designs and features and playing with them. I always want a new phone but I'm too povo/stingy to keep buying them as I want them (which would be one every other week)...I think I've had a pretty bad run with mobile phones
Lisa F Daly's history of mobile telephony
1. Motorola something something. Had it for probably less than a year and sold it to my friend to buy... no complaint :)
2. Nokia 3315. Everyone had this phone (or the one before it). So study, so reliable, and it had snake. Wonderful. After some ridiculous time...over 2 years I'd say it eventually was dying slowly. Fair enough.
I love you brick nokias!
3. LG something flip. Piece of poo. Had to return it after a couple of weeks. Then it survived a couple of months. Caused me to resolve to never buy another LG product again. My sister in law gave me her...
4. Motorola v3 hot pink flip thing. This was the first "good" phone I had. Good quality pictures, internet that i would never use, bluetooth blablabla...it was ok, but did deteriorate pretty quickly with the speakers failing and buttons not working and having to restart it quite often. It ended up spendning a night facedown on a wet lawn (not my fault) and was stuffed.
5. Mays's motorola flip (black). Totally ok. Mays lent me her cheaper prepaid version of the phone I'd just had that only had one fault - the space button didnt work or something. I used it until I got..
6. Nokia 5...something slide - WORST PHONE EVER. Makes me want to vomit. Looked so good, good features, heavy, physically good. But I had to return it 3 times WITHIN A YEAR. Had to get my sister to yell at the phone company and they eventually gave me a new phone (and they scored my business for another 24 months)
6.5 Mays's sony ericsson something slide. Super cool phone that Mays lent me while the Nokia was getting repairedseveral times, and again when I finally had it with the Nokia and gave up on it. It changed themes depending on the time of day, or for holidays! So much fun! I used this phone for extended periods of time no problem.
7. Samsung U900. I really enjoyed this phone...until after about 4 or 5 months it stopped making sound. For any reason. And then I left it in Andrew's car over christmas, thought it was stolen and blocked the phone and SIM.
8. Nokia 2730? Cheap $99 prepaid. Have been using it for less than 4 months...sometimes it turns itself off, and it refuses to connect to the internet but I'm just happy texting and calling
There were a couple of other loner phones for in-between and while they were getting fixed etc.
I am getting the samsung fixed, I really hope it comes back ok. I'm sick of spending the money on good phones that then end up being pieces of shit that can't do anything. Then I get cheap phones that dont break, but they dont have any features and can't do anything. Well, can't do as much cool stuff.
Now I know I don't need to use Adobe or Powerpoint on my phone, or even email, but I want to take pictures and update facebook! And if I'm paying for these features I'd like to be able to use them.
Note: I've not yet owned an iPhone.
Pay attention, big companies that are clearly really interested in reading this: I've never bought anything LG after that phone.
This is not a very entertaining blog. Sorry. Actually I'm not sorry, suck it you'll never get that time back.
Later
I really do have bad luck with phones. Which is a pity because I enjoy them so. I like the designs and features and playing with them. I always want a new phone but I'm too povo/stingy to keep buying them as I want them (which would be one every other week)...I think I've had a pretty bad run with mobile phones
Lisa F Daly's history of mobile telephony
1. Motorola something something. Had it for probably less than a year and sold it to my friend to buy... no complaint :)
2. Nokia 3315. Everyone had this phone (or the one before it). So study, so reliable, and it had snake. Wonderful. After some ridiculous time...over 2 years I'd say it eventually was dying slowly. Fair enough.
I love you brick nokias!
3. LG something flip. Piece of poo. Had to return it after a couple of weeks. Then it survived a couple of months. Caused me to resolve to never buy another LG product again. My sister in law gave me her...
4. Motorola v3 hot pink flip thing. This was the first "good" phone I had. Good quality pictures, internet that i would never use, bluetooth blablabla...it was ok, but did deteriorate pretty quickly with the speakers failing and buttons not working and having to restart it quite often. It ended up spendning a night facedown on a wet lawn (not my fault) and was stuffed.
5. Mays's motorola flip (black). Totally ok. Mays lent me her cheaper prepaid version of the phone I'd just had that only had one fault - the space button didnt work or something. I used it until I got..
6. Nokia 5...something slide - WORST PHONE EVER. Makes me want to vomit. Looked so good, good features, heavy, physically good. But I had to return it 3 times WITHIN A YEAR. Had to get my sister to yell at the phone company and they eventually gave me a new phone (and they scored my business for another 24 months)
6.5 Mays's sony ericsson something slide. Super cool phone that Mays lent me while the Nokia was getting repairedseveral times, and again when I finally had it with the Nokia and gave up on it. It changed themes depending on the time of day, or for holidays! So much fun! I used this phone for extended periods of time no problem.
7. Samsung U900. I really enjoyed this phone...until after about 4 or 5 months it stopped making sound. For any reason. And then I left it in Andrew's car over christmas, thought it was stolen and blocked the phone and SIM.
8. Nokia 2730? Cheap $99 prepaid. Have been using it for less than 4 months...sometimes it turns itself off, and it refuses to connect to the internet but I'm just happy texting and calling
There were a couple of other loner phones for in-between and while they were getting fixed etc.
I am getting the samsung fixed, I really hope it comes back ok. I'm sick of spending the money on good phones that then end up being pieces of shit that can't do anything. Then I get cheap phones that dont break, but they dont have any features and can't do anything. Well, can't do as much cool stuff.
Now I know I don't need to use Adobe or Powerpoint on my phone, or even email, but I want to take pictures and update facebook! And if I'm paying for these features I'd like to be able to use them.
Note: I've not yet owned an iPhone.
Pay attention, big companies that are clearly really interested in reading this: I've never bought anything LG after that phone.
This is not a very entertaining blog. Sorry. Actually I'm not sorry, suck it you'll never get that time back.
Later
What the f, hair?
Status: ...Seriously, is someone cutting my hair while I sleep? There's this one section that fit in perfectly fine with the rest of my hair until the last couple of days, now it sticks out and refuses to join the rest of the hairs in the ponytail
Ok so I'm a ranga, but my hair has always been ok. Well, since about 2005 it has improved anyway. Since hair straighteners were puchased and frizz-smoothing serums were applied.
My hair used to be nice. Very straight (straighter on the weekends). Long. Shiny (in the good way). Lovely.
Now...what the f, hair??
It's got this rank wave that isn't a wave, isn't a curl. It's mess. And this stupid bit around my forhead that makes my head look even more square (even worse than at uni).
And it's not as shiny. If it hasn't been washed in the last 18 minutes it chucks a nana and goes greasy.
And the worst of all....
...
...
...
...it doesn't straighten properly.
*sob*
And this is after TWO cuts, a new GHD, and a new delicious smelling smoothing treatment.
Now granted with the above things, and a low humidity my hair still looks ok. But nowehere near the old days. It gets a stupid curve at the ends, as soon as I dance (read: sweat) it looks like I've towel dried it and gone to sleep.
Please come back good hair. I miss you.
Ok so I'm a ranga, but my hair has always been ok. Well, since about 2005 it has improved anyway. Since hair straighteners were puchased and frizz-smoothing serums were applied.
My hair used to be nice. Very straight (straighter on the weekends). Long. Shiny (in the good way). Lovely.
Now...what the f, hair??
It's got this rank wave that isn't a wave, isn't a curl. It's mess. And this stupid bit around my forhead that makes my head look even more square (even worse than at uni).
And it's not as shiny. If it hasn't been washed in the last 18 minutes it chucks a nana and goes greasy.
And the worst of all....
...
...
...
...it doesn't straighten properly.
*sob*
And this is after TWO cuts, a new GHD, and a new delicious smelling smoothing treatment.
Now granted with the above things, and a low humidity my hair still looks ok. But nowehere near the old days. It gets a stupid curve at the ends, as soon as I dance (read: sweat) it looks like I've towel dried it and gone to sleep.
Please come back good hair. I miss you.
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